Thursday, September 23, 2010

Self Worth

Meg, over at A Practical Wedding wrote about money and self worth today. Definitely something I can relate to/struggle with. She talks a lot about not selling yourself short, about fighting for the goals you want to achieve. Actually you should just go read it, she says it a lot better than I do.

But that got me thinking about my goals, my decisions, and the way I live my life in general. I fall into the pit of low self worth everyday. I undersell myself because I think it's what I should do, it's the way I should behave. If I offer a lower price for higher expectations, people will see me as polite and, honestly, not a bitch.

Now I'm not sure if it's where I grew up or who I grew up with, but people throw around the word bitch like it's nothing, I even catch myself doing it sometimes. What upsets me the most is the word comes into play when there's no need for it, or it's completely unnecessary. If I get upset at someone, "Wow stop being a bitch." If I spiritedly disagree with something, "No need to be a bitch about it."*

It gets really old.

It also gets under my skin. Why can't I speak out about something, why can't I be angry with someone without being called a name.

And I think that's where my low self worth comes from. If I step out of the bounds of polite and demur, I'm in bitch territory. Why try to put myself out there, be confident, assertive even, if it's just going to get thrown back in my face in the form of a hurtful name?

So now that I've identified it I can work against it.

*Never has this come from Tag/husband face, just clarifying.
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Fun Fact: I typed in instead of trying to get here.

But speaking of diagnosis, there is one for my computer. It's hard drive gave out.

Luckily Tag says it's salvageable, so I'll be able to pull all my important stuff off of it.

This also means I'm getting a bigger hard drive so I don't have to move pictures to Tag's computer every two months just to have enough space!

Overall this is a victory.

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